I was seated in the middle section of a bus ride headed north. It was a slow and humid afternoon – the kind of humidity that makes you want to pass out. My eyes were shut and ready to sleep when a gentle tap on my right shoulder jolted me awake. 

“Mag-isa ka lang?” an old lady asked in amusement as she tries to dense all of her bags in the minimal legroom in front of her.

I felt a pang of fear and curiosity – but fear weighed heavier. I paused for a moment and let the question sink in. At the time, I was never sure about anything. Questions like, “What if I don’t even have to be alone? What if I make friends and never talk to them after? What if someone stabs me in the back while I’m asleep? What if I come to back Manila in a funeral body bag?” scared the shit out of me.

I’ve grown to believe that I was born to be an overthinker. I’ve pretty much spent half of my life making up problems and thinking of situations that are less likely to happen in real life. I took a deep breath and shrugged everything off. After all, what’s left for me to do at 21?

I felt an unusual silence a few seconds after so I snapped out of my bubble and nodded my head yes. She then talked about her years in Arayat and how beautiful her place is.

At this point in my life, there’s nothing else to lose. If I’m going to live a life of what-ifs, then I’ll be asking for the rest of my life.

BY PAULRAFA